Written in the wee hours of Thursday, October 29th, 1998...
|
As this title suggests, I've been going through lots of changes and transitions again. Most of them are having a rather positive effect on me. School is going semi-well... all depends on which classes we're talking about.
Other than school, I'm in a serious relationship now. It's a bit scary and intimidating to think that this may be the one person that you end up with in life, but I refuse to think in those terms after only knowing the guy for a month. He's terrific, though... and if you've read my earlier thoughts, you've seen me mention him twice already. He held the infamous bowl and took me out for coffee (we ended up drinking soda at a Steak 'n Shake for the record) on my day from hell that ended quite nicely thanks to him. Since then we've gone out quite a few times together. He's taken me to a sports pub where we've played darts and watched a few games with a lot of friends. Other times we've been out at 4am eating breakfasts in all night diners and merely talking for hours on end. Sometimes we just stay at home and watch movies. He has also cooked me a lovely meal. Gotta love a guy who cooks for you. He owes me another meal since I helped him move into his apartment last weekend. I've even met his parents already! The romance is a nice touch right now. Did I mention that he's brought me roses three times already? I think it's probably a positive effect on me as I'm happy the majority of the time and I don't brood nearly as much I have the past few months. Don't get me wrong... I'm still troubled over whether or not there is a meaning to this existence, but I'm following the philosophy of the Carvakas right now. They're hedonists who believe we should seek as much pleasure as we can as this is our only shot at it. Sure they acknowledge pain, but they compare it to a rose. Just because the rose has thorns doesn't mean we should not enjoy its beauty. I feel the same way. Other than that I'm learning that turning the other cheek isn't always the best way to combat problems with others. Don't get me wrong, I'm still very much a respectful pacifist, but that only goes so far. I can deal with the ignorance of others. I can deal with the stupidity of others. Actually, I handle both quite well. However, when you get both ignorance and stupidity from one person, it works as an overdose of sorts. Most of the time when I'm in this situation, I'll merely find a way to leave it. It's a great method, but sometimes people can't leave well enough alone and will try their best to further antagonize you. In those situations you have two choices. You can either take the crap they dish out or you can stand up for yourself realizing you deserve better treatment than that and actively do something about it. Recently I've chosen the later course of action. I refuse to tolerate harassment from narrow minded, backwards individuals who really have no clue to what they're talking about. I refuse to tolerate someone who believes it is their sole duty in this lifetime to hand out his or her negative opinions to whomever they choose. I absolutely refuse to tolerate someone who is foolish enough to believe that they have the God given right (if there indeed is one) to accuse another of inferiority merely because this someone has a problem with the way another looks, dresses or simply lives a different lifestyle. It isn't right for them to force their views upon me or others just as it isn't right for me to force my views upon them. Basically I've received quite a few rather rude emails from someone who disapproves of my stories of drunken debauchery and has made a few nasty comments. Do I care what this person thinks of me? No. Do I hold a high opinion of this person? Certainly not. Should I tolerate this harassment? Never! Am I saying that I was in the right to go out and get drunk, thus barfing all over at a party? Not exactly. Everybody has a right to be stupid once in a while. That was my stupidity allowance that I had saved up for three months to use. I find it highly amusing that this individual who has pointed out my stupidity is abusing that privilege. This person is all stocked up on ignorance and stupidity for a lifetime. For that, I truly feel pity for this individual. You know who you are. Still enjoying my site? Just keep in mind that at least I can admit when I'm wrong. I have my flaws which you have so needlessly pointed out. I openly show the weak points of my character here on my website. Having you in your skeptical, narrow-mindedness write to me and reiterate them in your poorly worded sentence fragments that would make any English teacher cringe is pure redundancy and a waste of my time. So don't bother emailing me again. You are not only boring, but annoying and a waste of good carbon. And oh yes... I was dead serious when I told you that I would seek legal action if you did not stop your harassment immediately. Any more rude emails from you and you won't hear from me, but from my lawyer. I'm not wasting anymore time on you by replying. Have a nice life! For all others that have read this, don't worry. I don't let the ignorance and stupidity of others get me down for too long. In fact, writing this has made me feel fantastic! I'm even ready to get back to studying. These are my new beginnings. I'm resolving to no longer run from my problems or practice escapism. I won't hide from my responsibilities and obligations. I will face the fact that I may really be in love and I will even risk getting hurt by opening myself up and expressing those feelings. Also, I refuse to be the stepping stone for any self-righteous fool who feels it's a right of theirs to harass or oppress others. This is the friendly, yet assertive me emerging from the waters of previous chaos, fully ready to stop and smell the roses as it is my right to do so. Earlier I found a copy of a beautiful poem, Desiderata. Reading it reminded me of my right to enjoy life. Recently I've felt guilty for feeling so happy with the way things have been going for me. No longer will that be the case. I plan on enjoying this lifetime as I'm not sure what will become of me after this. All that matters at present is that I appreciate and enjoy the onders that I've obtained. |